Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
