Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
