you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
