I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
