I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Boobs are out for the taking
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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