What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
