My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
