Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
