yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
