She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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