I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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