My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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