There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
