I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
