he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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