I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
