sarcasm needs its own font
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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