I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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