A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
