just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
