I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
