He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
