No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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