I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
