just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
