that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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