dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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