That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
