How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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