I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
