i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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