Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
