I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
