I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
