I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I smell stomach acid.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
