WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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