look no pants
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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