Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
