I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
