Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
