It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
