I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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