No, you can still breathe under the balls.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
