He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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