Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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