super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
