her vagine was all disorganized.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did I show you my penis last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
