the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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