dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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