My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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