I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
