I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
