their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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